I should add here none of the following should be attributed to my beloved mother unless specifically stated. She may hail from north of the Watford Gap but let's not hold that against her.
Where corporations are named, no libel should be inferred against said corporation. This is in jest. Please don't sue me!
In no specific order:
Clouds can be used as hair mousse when your can has run out. This will only work on foggy mornings when they are low enough to reach unless you're really very tall.
Books which charidee shops can't sell within three months' are returned to the publisher for refurbishment and resale in Waterstones.
If you swallow a fruit seed, said fruit will sprout and grow out of your arse. (Please do attribute this one to my mater. This scared me half to death when I was little.)
Blu-tac is old chewing gum.
There are no ponies. They are merely adolescent horses. Following on, Shetland ponies are really old horses and Shire horses are horses in the prime of life.
Nazis bombed away the bridge that used to span between Southampton and Cowes.
It is possible to see London from two spots on the M25: the QEII bridge and the plasma displays on the wall of the Dartford tunnel.
LCDs stands for 'little candle display'. That's how it's visible in the dark.
Printer ink is so expensive because it's made of crushed diamonds and either saffron (yellow toner), sapphires (cyan toner) or pink Möet et Chandon champagne (magenta toner).
Wifi is magic fairy dust flying between devices at the twelve & 3/4 times the speed of light.
Nintendo is Japanese for special happy disappearing time. Players of the Professor Layton games understand this inherently.
If you have your own you would like to add to this, please leave a comment or tweet me @thesaharadesert